Ask Chae

I give answers to questions from real advice columns.
  • October 4, 2014 5:28 pm

    Ask Amy 9/12/14

    I attend a small college in Wisconsin. I live in a dorm. My girlfriend lives in the same dorm on a different floor.

    I stopped in to see her this morning. My girlfriend and her roommate have bunk beds. My girlfriend sleeps on the top bunk, and her roommate sleeps on the bottom.

    As I entered my girlfriend’s dorm room I noticed that her roommate was still sleeping. She had a companion with her in bed. It was a guy I did not recognize. They were both covered with a blanket.

    I could tell that they were topless and probably naked. As I was talking to my girlfriend, the guy woke up. He casually got out of bed. He was indeed naked. He quickly got dressed and left. I am a little concerned that a naked guy is sleeping in the same small room as my girlfriend.

    I am upset that she has apparently seen him naked more than just this one time. I know she is not doing anything with him, but he parades around in what is essentially my girlfriend’s bedroom nude. When I asked my girlfriend if he had ever seen her totally naked, she did not answer me at first.

    Then she admitted that he had seen her with nothing on! What should I do? 

    — Worried Boyfriend

    You need to get over it and stop being such a pussy.  So two college students saw each other naked, so what?  Her roommate obviously doesn’t care if she’s naked around you and this other dude doesn’t seem to care either.  Maybe they will agree to a foursome.  You should try and make that happen. 

  • October 4, 2014 5:21 pm

    Dear Prudence 9/15/14

    Q. Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Husband: My wife has an annual income of more than $400,000. My salary is roughly one-tenth of that, with no prospect of going much higher for the rest of my working life. Both of us work equally long hours. Although we could live very comfortably on her current salary, she insists that I continue to work to contribute to family finances. We have two young kids who are cared for by a nanny, and another lady comes in regularly for domestic help. It actually makes better sense financially for me to be a stay-at-home parent, but my wife will have none of this. I don’t understand why she insists that I work when she has a stable and high-earning job, compared with my stressful long hours for low pay. Every week I’m tempted to just quit my job and let her deal with it.

    I don’t understand how your wife has such a high paying job if she’s this idiotic.  You are right, you guys would actually save money if you just quit your job and stayed at home and took care of the kids instead of letting a couple strangers run your household.  She obviously feels she can control you since she makes a lot more money than you.  I also think she is jealous of the fact that you would be a stay at home parent.  Why?  Because being a stay at home parent would be awesome. 

    Little kids sleep like 18 hours a day or more, that’s a lot of free time to play X-Box.  When they are awake I’d just watch Frozen with them or get a dog and let them play with the dog until they tire out and go back to sleep.  Being a stay at home parent would be the best job in the world.  You just have to change a few diapers, fill a few milk bottles, keep the house clean and remember to make dinner.  Housewives all this time just like to pretend it was really hard so that dudes wouldn’t get clued in at how awesome it would be to just stay at home all day and play with your kids that just end up sleeping for 75% of the time.  

  • October 4, 2014 5:06 pm

    Dear Abby 9/22/14

    DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I live in a duplex. We manage it, live in the lower unit and have three tenants upstairs.

    One of them, whose bedroom is directly above ours, recently got a girlfriend. Aside from some loud video game- playing, he was always the quietest guy and has never been disruptive. But since he and this girl got together, they have been disturbing the entire house with their noisy lovemaking. It starts with a few bangs against the wall that become constant, and then the screams start.

    I have no idea how to approach this respectfully and professionally. Please give me your thoughts. — BOTHERED IN BOZEMAN, MONT.

    You certainly don’t want to give this new couple the impression that their sex life is better than yours do you?  You and your boyfriend should just start banging really loudly as often as you can.  In fact I think this dude and his new girl would probably get excited by all this and I think you can propose some sort of swinger situation.  Good luck!

    DEAR ABBY: I have been frugal all my life. I have managed to accumulate a cushion should I become ill or need money for emergencies.

    My oldest daughter is the exact opposite. She makes stupid financial decisions and has lost thousands of dollars. She recently called, begging me to get her out of a financial jam she has gotten herself into. I refused because the amount she needs would cost me almost all of my savings.

    Now my other children have stopped speaking to me. They say I should give her the money. What are your thoughts on this? — PRUDENT MOM IN FLORIDA

    Your kids seem like entitled cunts.  You have adult children so I assume you are old.  Tell them you need to save for something called retirement and tell them to fuck off.  

  • October 4, 2014 4:57 pm

    Ask Amy 10/3/14

    Dear Amy: I was recently fired from my job for chronic tardiness. I’ve worked at this business for four years, and though I knew my lateness was seen as a problem by my boss, it was still a surprise to be fired.

    Now that I’m back in the job market, I’m wondering if I need to make mention of my previous tardiness in new applications.

    I ask because my mother, who has been privy to this whole mess, thinks that I should mention it and explain that I have “learned my lesson” — especially when applying to a different branch of my former company, which would have direct access to my evaluations.

    I think explaining my “lesson learned” is for job interviews when/if it comes up — not on job applications where I am trying to highlight my best side. What say you?

    — Ann

    Well Ann, it’s no wonder you are unemployed because if I owned a business I sure as hell wouldn’t hire your dumbass and it’s not even because of your past history of being late.  These are the reasons I think you are an idiot not fit to work at my imaginary company:

    1) You were surprised at being fired for being always late to work

    2) You wonder if you should mention to perspective employers that you have a problem getting to work on time.  The answer is a big fucking NO.  Why would you want to say something that will cause 95% of employers NOT HIRE YOU.  That’s like someone moving to Alabama and saying they don’t like guns and Jesus right away to their neighbors.  Let your negative trait come out over time.  

    3) You are presumably a grown adult and need to consult your mom on what to do in job interviews.  

    4) You think you should reapply to the same company that you were fired from, thinking they will hire you for a different department even though it’s in your record that you were always late.  

    I suspect you will continue to be unemployed for a while longer with a thought process like this.  

  • October 10, 2013 11:31 am

    Dear Prudence 9/30/13

    I recently got engaged to my wonderful fiancé. Immediately after announcing the engagement to our families, my future SIL sat me down for a serious chat. She says she is currently saving up for breast implants and doesn’t want us to marry until she gets them done. She told me she wants to have one family wedding album where she looks perfect and will be heartbroken if I got married against her wishes. The trouble is, my fiancé says we should hold off the wedding for this reason, too. He knows his sister will cause so much trouble and doesn’t want to deal with the family drama. He thinks since we live together there is no hurry for marriage, anyway. I know how much he detests conflict and it’s true we are pretty much living as a married couple, but I feel like this is so wrong to postpone the wedding. He says the other option is to pay for his sister’s breast implant ourselves! Am I crazy for marrying into this family?

    I don’t think one should seek out conflict but asking someone to delay a wedding for breast implants is pretty fucking stupid. Tell your conceited shallow SIL that you understand she really wants to meet a guy and get laid during the wedding but that it’s your wedding and you’ll get married whatever damn day you please. Perhaps you could ease the conversation and find a few dudes that are willing to bang her that night even if she doesn’t have the implants. Either way get married on your terms, not because some bimbo wants fake tits. 

  • October 10, 2013 1:21 am

    Dear Prudence 10/8/13

    I am furious with another set of parents. My 16-year-old daughter has recently told her mother and me that she is pregnant. It happened at a party that was not well-supervised, and there was alcohol involved. The boy involved and his family are owning up to their share of the responsibility, but the owners of the house are absolutely infuriating me. They need to admit their share of this burden, as it was their booze and their house party that allowed this to happen. My family is going to have a lot of expenses due to this new baby, and I don’t know how much the boy’s family can help, so it seems that the party’s host should help out, again as it was on their watch that this happened. So far, that family has ignored me when I have tried to speak with them about this. I am ready to call a lawyer to press the issue, but my wife thinks I am overreacting. What do you think?

    The way I read this: Hello, I am a dipshit who was too busy to actually parent my child. She got drunk at a party I had no idea she was at and banged some dude who knocked her up. Now I’m pissed off because I have a teenage daughter who is pregnant and I’m trying to deflect blame on anyone I can so I can feel less shitty of a parent. 

    I’m no law expert but what the fuck is a lawyer going to help you do? Yeah maybe you can get the parents on some sort of letting minors drink violation but they didn’t make your daughter have sex without a condom. They also aren’t preventing your daughter from getting an abortion or considering adoption. What if your daughter got pregnant while having sex at her school? Would you then say the school district owes you money? Just like your daughter, get fucked.  

  • October 10, 2013 1:08 am

    Ask Amy 10/10/13

    I am a college student and live in a suite with several other people.

    One of the guys living in our suite Skypes with his long-distance girlfriend every night, frequently in the common room (where most of us study) and he never wears headphones.

    His girlfriend seems to be having personal problems, and so she frequently cries and talks openly about the issues she’s having — and of course we can hear both sides of the conversation.

    While I sympathize with her, it feels pretty awkward for us to be sitting around studying while one person is having a serious, personal conversation right next to us (I’m not sure that she’s aware that we can all hear her).

    Another mate of ours tried talking to him about the problem and he got pretty upset about it. I don’t want for him to feel ganged up on, but I’d like to find a solution. Any ideas about a better way to approach him?

    — Concerned Suitemate

    This guy is clearly an asshole and assholes must be dealt by acting like an asshole yourself. Next time he’s having these public Skype chats, just speak up and interrupt the conversation in hilarious ways. Here are a few examples:

    "Hey man, remember when you were raw dogging those 2 drunk girls for like 3 hours last night, that was pretty intense. But I heard one of them might have the HIV. You should really get tested."

    "How many times have I told you it’s not cool for you to sell cocaine out of our suite?" (bonus points if you buy a scale and sprinkle some white powder on it)

    "Dude, why do you have all this hentai porn laying around with all these girls getting tentacle raped?"

    "Yeah… that girl from down the hall stopped by again. She was all crying and said she’s pretty sure you knocked her up but you won’t answer her phone calls. You should probably do something about that"

    If this doesn’t get him to stop, just kick his ass or something, dude sounds like a pussy for real. 

  • September 7, 2013 11:31 am

    Dear Abby 8/31/13

    DEAR ABBY: I’m 15 and my brother is 19. He still lives at home and recently acquired a water cooler — the kind you see in doctors’ offices. He has it sitting in the dining room and, frankly, I hate it! It’s unsightly and unnecessary.

    My parents allow it to stay there. They have never cared much about how their house looks. I do most of the cleaning. Is there any way I can convince them to remove the water cooler? It’s not the kind you see in home magazines. — WANTS A NORMAL HOUSE

    What the hell do you care about the placement of a water cooler in your parents house?  You might do most of the cleaning but do you pay the mortgage?  If not, shut the fuck up about it.  Plus you are 15 years old.  This is not something a 15 year old should give a shit about.  I’m going to guess you get bullied in school.  

  • September 6, 2013 11:31 am

    Dear Prudence 8/22/13

    I’m turning 30 this fall, and I have an incredibly wonderful boyfriend of seven years. The only problem is that at 31 he has never had a full-time job. He still lives at home. He earned a degree with honors from a prestigious university, so intellect is not the problem. I moved far away from home after graduating college and have been taking care of myself since. In the last decade I’ve established a good career and am earning over six figures. (I live in one of the most expensive areas in the country, so I would need two incomes to support a family.) I’ve given him an ultimatum that if he doesn’t get a full-time job by the end of September, we are breaking up. But in reality I don’t know if I can do it. I’m terrified of going back in the dating pool, and I also can’t imagine another person so perfect for me. He wants to get married now and is ready to have kids yesterday, and I can see what a great father he’d be. But while he hasn’t saved a penny I have amassed a little over $200,000. Should I call it quits, or just accept that I have no control over his earnings and marry for love alone, and possibly be the sole breadwinner?

    —Confused in Love

    You have $200,000 in the bank and you want to know if you should remain with a guy that has $0 and refuses to get a full time job?

    Seriously, you couldn’t figure this out on your own?  How does someone this stupid earn a six figure salary? 

  • September 5, 2013 11:31 am

    Dear Prudence 8/29/13

    I’m a 28-year-old male and have a 4-year-old daughter with my partner of nine years (we’re not married but completely committed). My daughter was not planned and I had serious reservations about having a child at such a young age, but there’s a lot of love in our family and everything has worked out. But since taking a new job several months ago, I’ve started feeling differently. All of my co-workers are young and I’ve made a few good friends, but I often have to decline invitations to events I’d really like to attend because of my family obligations, or because I can’t afford it. I’m the only one with a full plate of adult responsibilities, including supporting my partner, who is an artist and doesn’t bring home a paycheck every week. So I have to say no to joining them on road trips or at exclusive restaurants, because my weekend consists of toddler birthday parties and visits to the playground. It’s making me rueful that I’ve missed my 20s and worried I will wind up bitter no matter how much I love my family. How do I get out of this funk and regain happiness with my circumstances, and how do I face my co-workers every day when they’re a constant reminder of what I’m missing?

    —Longing for Lost Youth

    Jesus Christ dude the way you sound, you probably whine more than your kid does.  Listen, it’s good that you manned up and took responsibility of a child at a young age.  But I don’t know what the big deal is.  If you ever want to go out on a Friday or Saturday night, find a babysitter every couple weeks.  If you can’t find or afford a babysitter, then I guess you should’ve used a fucking condom when you were fucking.

    You’re 28 years old, that’s past the age to still be pining to have every Friday or Saturday evening free so you can be part of “the scene” and attempt to be a douche bag hipster or bro.  Just put the kid to bed, invite some friends over and drink beers and play Mario Kart.  That’s more fun and affordable than spending $50 a night at a bar full of assholes.  And what’s with this hang up on road trips and exclusive restaurants?  You can still go on a family road trip and like I mentioned before YOU CAN HIRE A BABYSITTER IF YOU WANT TO DO DOPE SHIT EVERY NOW AND THEN.  Man the fuck up and quit bitching.